Xander and the things he says

This is the way he thinks this song actually goes:
"Oooh Eee Oooh Ahh Ah Ching Chang I Want A Big Man!" {Sung repeatedly.}

Xander to me: Mom, all the Steve's died at the same time!
Me to Xander: hmm? Steve's?
Xander: Yes, the Brain Steve, the regular Steve, and the king Steve.
The king Steve is the king of all of the Steve's!
HAHAHAHAHA!

We all need to feel accepted

Yesterday I blogged but didn't publish, so today there will be two.

Walked into Walmart today and there was a woman standing there shoving something in her pierced up mouth, very pregnant belly hanging out of her shirt, tight pants, and poorly dyed hair. She looked really bad. I know I must've taken a double take while thinking that this woman belongs on that website for people of Walmart, but I tried not to stare.

The woman and her friend are walking behind me and I hear her say to her friend, "I like what I'm wearing and I'm sick of people looking at me." In my mind I wonder if its me she's referring to and talking loud enough for me to hear purposely to start a confrontation. She starts cussing and all I can do is think of what type of mother she will be and the not-so-nice things I will say back to her when push comes to shove. Then something swept over me. It's as if God said,"Really? You say that you don't judge, but THIS is judgement you've cast on her." And I literally wanted her to call me out so that I could admit to it and ask her for forgiveness. Wow! What's happening to me? It feels so unnatural, but it's freeing! Maybe that's what this lady needed to hear. Maybe she needs to feel accepted.

No sleep til...???

Last night was a close call with Haden. He started running fever Saturday night. He ran fever Sunday, but we were able to control it with tylenol and motrin. When we got ready for bed I felt him to see if he might need more medicine. He was burning up! I took his temp. It was 103. Gave him tylenol and put him in our bed to closely monitor his temp. He didn't sleep well at all and his temperature only went down to 101. Around 3 am I was finally able to give him some motrin. That's when I sent a message to my mother and let her know that we may be visiting the ER soon. Luckily it dropped drastically by 3:45 and he was asleep by 4.

We got up around 6:45 to get the kids off to school. Thinking we could both go back to sleep after the kids were at school, I put him down 30 min ago and he is currently standing in his crib crying. No fever. We haven't had any medicine since 3 am. He is just not tired. He wants to play, and I am exhausted!! No rest for the weary I suppose. Guess I'll brew another pot of coffee and get him up.:-) lml

Let's go to the Hop!

Friday night our Elementary school had a 50's sock hop in honor of the school turning 50 years old this year! It wasn't a great experience, but we all looked fabulous of course in our home made poodle skirts and rolled up jeans. Haha! There was a little girl there with down syndrome that Haden played with some. It was a lot better than the first experience he had at the Buddy Walk where he was at the sand table with three girls with down syndrome under the age of 6. He was playing and a fight broke out with two of the girls over a shovel that ended with him getting whacked in the face with the shovel. He began screaming at them and I had to pull him away and try to get him to do something else. I figured there were too many strong wills in that mix.

Friday night he got along really well with this little girl (who was 4 and cute as a button). She and Haden teamed up to grab balls from the basketball throw. They were almost trampled a few times, but had a blast! Once Haden lost his pacifier and she picked it up and put it back in his mouth. So sweet. This goes to show...everyone has their own personality and even my strong willed child can get along with a select few others.

WOF conference notes for a friend that wanted a copy

Notes from Women of Faith Conference 2012

Ken Davis:

God is the author of joy

laugh-smile

Paul wanted to know this joy. The devil takes the joy out of Sunday. 

Humor is a gentle way to acknowledge our weakness. 

Believe that perfection is not required

The person performing has nothing that I don't have.

Paul forgets what's behind and presses forward. Life doesn't have a winner's circle, just a finish     line. Believe that He will not let you down. His love cannot be removed from your life.

• What does it mean to live "fully alive?" Live- trust God-risk everything and know that He is faithful

God's hand never leaves us. He leads us toward life. Take what you think is boring in your life and change it.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus or Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Shelia Walsh
Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

Now we are all broken. We all have "stuff." What God's word says about our "brokenness" 
Psalm 34:18, Psalm 147:3

Luke 19:1-10
Zacchaeus was miserable inside. Are we (like Zacchaeus) observing from a distance? 
Jesus can hear every cry. Jesus saw that he was broken. 
Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
"lost"-ruined, destroyed, broken beyond repair. 
We cannot fix ourselves. 
God loves broken people.

We have a real enemy out to destroy us in this world...the devil.
We live in a world that wants to conform you to its image. Paul says don't do that. This society is man-made to be pleased with out God. 

•  TRANSFORMED- a change in priorities. Spending more time in the Word.

The enemy doesn't know everything! He uses accusations against you. Accusations are always the enemy. Use the word of God to run the enemy off. 

There will be days when you still feel like you're not worthy of anything. 
God says "I've already done this for you." It's done. 

Song of Songs 4:1-16
The perfect Bride
Solomon loosely represents Jesus. The woman loosely represents us all. 

• Confesses his love (crush)
• Backs up (do we believe we are really deserving?) Shame shackles you to the worst part of your past. It constricts your heart making love unable to penetrate. Our hearts are supposed to be big! Shame cannot hold a candle to God's affection. 

Remember no matter what, remember...It's not your fault. You are not damaged goods. God calls you beautiful. You have value. 
Solomon says, "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!" 
In the next chapter there is a HUGE wedding. 

Max Lucado
John 8 The grace of God keeps coming after us. 
The woman caught in adultery. 

• Jesus is teaching the people (Bible study) when they bring the woman in to be stoned. She was caught in the act! No one will stand for her. She's guilty. Jesus will STOOP for her. Grace is the God who stoops. He wrote in the sand. Jesus asks her, "Where are your accusers?" Jesus stoops for me. He stood and He speaks for us. 

Some people accuse us. We accuse ourselves. Voices. Satan never shuts up. Satan will place on you an unbearable burden of guilt. He can take your joy, fruitfulness, and happiness. 

Jesus gave her his help, but has given us His heart. God's goal isn't just to get us to heaven, but to get heaven to us (in our heart). I have the heart of Jesus Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me...GRACE.

Angie Smith
What women fear. Fear of "what if." We can believe God from the shore, but it's different to know him in the deep.
Genesis 21:8 Desperation of Hagar.

• Was the well already there and she didn't see it because she was so afraid of "what if?" 
• Have I closed my eyes to God's provisions? Human provision will run out. It will not sustain us, but God's provision (the well) will never run out.

1. Don't cower to a fate that God never imposed on you.
2. Think about...is this issue is the skin or the well? The skin was the little bit of water that Abraham had sent them out with. Don't become so confused that you miss it!!
3. We have to find Him in the deep. 
Psalm 139 Where shall I go from your presence? 
No one can lead us into the deep safely except God. He is in the deep. Find Him in the deep.

Pat Smith

1. Push past fears and insecurities
2. Seek God-sometimes He will allow havoc in your life so that we will seek Him.
3. Obey God.
4. Trust God.

Dub step-son!!

Yesterday my step son, Brody, came home and let me listen to dub step. I've heard some of this type of music before, and I really like it actually. I could totally see me 10-15 years ago breakin it down in a club to this type of rhythm. Pretty cool. After Jerod took them home, he told me that Brody thought it was really cool that his step- mom likes dub step. That makes me feel so good. I love it when I can connect with my step-kids. It doesn't happen very often (especially with autumn), but it makes me so happy when it does happen.

Basketball mom...Go Issy!

My poor husband. Both Brody and Autumn do not play or watch sports. It's time for basketball sign ups and Jerod loves sports. All sports! He played several different things in school and he plays any chance he gets even now. In fact, I've had to remind him that he's not 17 anymore because he will dive for the ball.

So far Triniti is the only sports lover. We think Haden is going to love sports too. He is always throwing balls, talking about balls, taking balls everywhere we go, and trying to carry several balls in his hands. Every time we watch a game, Haden will yell at the tv, "Go Issy!" It's the cutest thing.

Xander played T ball one season. The next time we asked him if he wanted to do it again he said,"Nah, I already did that once." That kid!

Just so you know

Xander's favorite phrase is, "Just so you know..." He starts almost all sentences directed at me this way. It's so funny!

"Hey mom, just so you know...my teacher was really mad in class today."

"Just so you know, I couldn't eat all of my lunch because we ran out of time in the lunchroom."

"Just so you know, you actually wouldn't want to see my library book about zombies. It's really scary."

He has always used the most unusual phrases and descriptions. It must be a trait that was built in because I don't do that.

This is a picture of him today telling me, " Just so you know...blue popcorn is gross and I'm not trying it!"

But, just so YOU know, blue popcorn is kinda cool ;)

Monday morning madness

Monday morning, up early...coffee, lunch boxes, breakfast, red ribbon week (in two different schools-challenging), Rachael's Challenge meeting, Destination Imagination meeting, grocery shopping. Heading out the door we (Triniti) realize that "we" don't have our shoes for P.E. They are at dad's house. Dad only lives 1.5 miles away, so no big deal. We head by there on our way to school. 

I've seen a car parked there before, but I guess I wasn't really sure why it was there. Triniti has a key and let herself in to get her shoes. What she found was something else entirely. A woman in her dad's bed. Now, looking back, I know I shouldn't have let her go in. I should've called him first. I don't know, but I really didn't think it was a woman in there! Triniti was completely freaked out (as expected). Her dad was completely freaked out as well when he called to apologize. Hopefully she forgets about the whole thing soon. 

I am Jack's pituitary gland. I make Jack grow

The Bible talks about people having spiritual gifts. Like talents for the Kingdom of God. Every person has something they are gifted in. We are the body of Christ. Some are His arms, His legs, His eyes, etc... Kinda reminds me of the movie "Fight Club". I am Jack's colon, I give Jack cancer. I kill Jack. I'm sure if someone took my arm off and surgically placed it where my leg was I would struggle to do things correctly. I may learn to walk on the arm, but it wouldn't be the correct way and eventually my back would give out from over compensating for the bum leg.

A church is much the same. If you have a person serving in the ministry where they aren't gifted, your church will not be functioning properly. Someone who is gifted at teaching shouldn't be serving donuts in the cafe. That would be a waste.

I love this idea because I believe it applies to life in general. I think this idea is great for jobs, families, friends, and on and on... My house doesn't exactly abide by this yet, but now that I am thinking in this direction... change is coming. My pastor at our church cannot be at full potential if he has to stay up cleaning the restroom and making lesson plans for preschool children's Sunday school. We need people who are good at things to take some of the burden or help out.

I am the world's worst about trying to do EVERYTHING in my house. I clean, cook, do laundry, just everything. Don't get me wrong, I do this because it's my job to stay home and do these things. But it never stops! I pick up these kids from school and they do homework and play until it's time to eat and bathe for bed. My husband comes home and helps with some things and sits down. I run around the entire day. We have had times when I 've been tired of it and put my foot down (angrily) and said everyone needs to help. When things are done this way, I feel guilty everytime I see them cleaning. I know they hate it. Perhaps they need to do it in a different mind set. Each of them has a purpose to move our family forward and be at the best potential we can be. When everyone comes together, we can all sit and be a quality family!

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

Bitter sweetness

Today's buddy walk wore us out! We were there for 3 hours playing games and getting informed. I forgot sunscreen so we are burnt, but we had a great time. It was a great experience to see all of the many faces of Down syndrome. Some of my family came and learned a lot from all of the information. Awesome.


On a different note, we later went to see Jerod's dad. He has been suffering from Alzheimer's disease and is progressing rapidly. He hasn't had a doctor visit that's worth anything in years, so his condition is more than likely irreversible. It's so sad and hard to watch. Jerod's mother is suffering because of it as well. What a terrible disease to have.

Trouble with the GROWTH curve

Got to go on a date night with my husband tonight! We went to the movies. Haden stayed with my mom and her fiancé, John.

Really liked the movie we saw, "Trouble with the curve." It's a Clint Eastwood film and it has a lot of really good actors in it, and a good message.

Today was a pretty good day. Over the weekend Xander put on some pants and they were too small. I went through his closet and cleaned out a mountain of clothes!! It's funny how one day their clothes fit, and the next they don't. Talk about trouble with the curve... Xander has struggled with the growth curve since he was a year old. He has always been really small. Luckily there was a coupon for 30% off at The Children's Place. I went and bought a couple pair of jeans and a few shirts for $40. Not bad.

He's 3'8"! He's lost 4 teeth & has a loose tooth right now. He is so sweet and funny. We have a hard time when he argues or needs to know ALL of the details of the day, but overall...he's a good boy. I wonder what kind of teenager he will be. Love that kid!

Lets talk about sex...?

Triniti has several friends whose parents (mothers) decided to enlighten their daughters about sex. Sex talk at 11 years old!

I brought the subject up with one mom that I figured would be against it, and she informed me that she will be having this conversation with her daughter within the week. Now I must decide if I go ahead and have this discussion with my innocent 11 year old daughter or put my foot down and risk her finding out through her peers.

This subject is no stranger in our house. Obviously we have Brody, who is 14, and Autumn knows much more than my daughter because her mother doesn't monitor what she watches.

I don't want Triniti's friends explaining sex to her from their view point either. It's so hard to be a parent, but it's also so important. It's very fulfilling.

Biting the bullet

Trying to overcome family struggles is one of the hardest things for me to do. It's not like you can "write it off" and walk away. They are family! You love them.

A recent drama unfolded within my extended family, and somehow I found myself at the center of it. As people who tried to do our best to make situations good, we got shunned. Then some things were said that hurt and now it's just awkward.

Members of my family feel like I think I'm better than them because of my belief in God. They think I am judgmental. I have no idea what I've done to make them feel this way as I have never imposed my ideas on any of them. I am not a "pushy Christian."

As a Christian I have been held to a higher standard and judged by society and some of my family. If I do something wrong, it's extra wrong because I'm a Christian. That's not fair! I am also a person born in sin just like everyone else. I am not superhuman because I have a belief in God. I try to do what is right and usually fail everyday, but by the grace of God I don't have to be perfect.

But I do have to be the one to make it right with my family. It can't keep going like this. Forgiveness is not the easiest thing to give away,but I can do it. I already have. Tomorrow I will be having dinner with said family member to try and mend the hurt. Not sure how this will go, but it's worth a shot.

My faith in God doesn't mean I'm going to lay down and let people run over me. But, my faith in God is the only thing bigger than my own stubborn pride. Just sayin'.

Fear of the unknown

I was reading my sister's blog and I love the fact that she isn't overly concerned about Ada's Down syndrome. I feel like it was a huge deal that has taken a backseat right now. Maybe we overreacted a little at first.

Now we wait. All we can do is wait and see. "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst." My hope for my sister is that it's not an everyday struggle. That there are days like now where it's "on the back burner". My hope for Brady and Ada are the same hopes for my kids. That they be happy and healthy.

I have been reading some of the other blogs about Ds. I read one today that, while true, scared me some. Not all babies born with Ds are functioning well. I guess if I'm going to blog for awareness, I need to be aware of all of the possibilities. I know there is a possibility that Ada could fall into this category, but I will continue to pray that she is high functioning and know in my heart that I will accept and love her either way. If I have to devote the rest of my life to helping care for her, I'm okay with that. My life is blessed by hers.

Her children arise and call her blessed

I need a vacation! Recently I thought about the dynamics of having multiple children. Not just their lives, but everyone else's also. Specifically referring to grandparents. Triniti was my first born child, my parents' first born grandbaby, and my grandparents' first born great-grand baby. Weird. 

Triniti was born and within two weeks she was staying one night during every weekend with a grandparent. TWO WEEKS old! We had to schedule her weekends around each grandmother. They loved to have her all of the time. 

Once you have more than one, this changes. Xander was born and it became hard. Grandmothers still wanted to keep them, but more like one child and then the other. Or both together maybe once a month. Still fine. Then it slowly tapered off and stopped. 

Now that I have Haden I ususally will ask if someone (anyone) will watch him for a few hours. He has NEVER stayed away from home (without his dad or myself) and he's almost 2!! Maybe 3 kids is pushing the limit.  

I really think alone time with your spouse is important. I feel so bogged down by life sometimes that I just can't find myself anymore. I see my husband as another soldier in the trenches along side of me in life. There are times that I want to lay in bed all day and shut the world out. Or get up and go somewhere and not worry about naps and diapers and tantrums. I'm worn out. 

I pray for the ability to stay positive and raise these kids lovingly and correctly. I know this time is only temporary and very fleeting.  

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Homecoming= great success!

Blogging on our way to our first professional family photo in years. I'm excited! Hopefully we can capture some great pics of our family of 7.

Last night was a lot of fun. Triniti and her friend had a blast. Now Triniti wants to go to homecoming every year.

Several people would disagree with my decision to allow her to go (and with a date), but if Triniti wasn't such an innocent, responsible child, it would be different. These kids are like best friends. They walked around, saw their friends and hung out. They aren't making out under bleachers or being dramatic. They aren't even thinking on that level. I will allow her to go somewhere with a boy while I'm there. It's cute.

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

Blogging everyday is a challenge indeed! Obviously I'm not so great at it, haha. I have been so busy trying to get everything ready for Triniti's first "mock-date". She had been asked to Homecoming by a boy in her grade. She is only in the 6th grade! I was thrown by this at first, but I have been talking with the boy's mother and setting the stage for this to go smoothly. It's going to be a big group of kids their age hanging out at a football game. No big deal. If I make it a big deal, it won't be good...sigh.


Triniti made a garter for him. It's really cute and she did a great job! This was my first home made garter too. Of course all of this is bittersweet because I can't help but realize that  this is the start of a new chapter in her life. The teen-ager chapter. She is such an amazing kid. She teaches me new things all of the time. I'm always trying harder to do things better because I don't want to let her down. She is my inspiration. 

I'll have to post a picture of her and her date later tonight or tomorrow. "Her date", wow, that sounds crazy!

A daughter is a special thing. I can't wait to experience having a new niece as well. I'm pretty sure I will be extra close to Ada because she is so special to me already. She will teach me new things too and I've already made changes in my life to be sure not to let her down. It really doesn't matter that she only weighs 1 pound; she has weight in this world already. 

Big Day!

Last night Haden refused to go to sleep. He had pretty decent day (with one exception). I was at my small group meeting and when I returned...he was sitting right next to my husband on the couch watching t.v. Jerod (my husband) said he tried to put him down, but he began screaming and then he started throwing himself around the bed putting himself in danger of injury. Jerod didn't want to allow that to happen. I completely understand and I have no idea why he's been bad the last two nights about going to bed. I put him in bed and he screamed for about 45 minutes, with us running in and out to tell him it was ok or retrieve his binkie, before he finally fell asleep. Geez! Last night threw me off and I didn't get the opportunity to blog. 

Today has a lot riding on it. I've been praying all day. My husband had a phone meeting with some people from his work about a position he applied for. He is really nervous and didn't get to bed until late last night mostly because of the situation in the last paragraph. He hasn't called and the meeting was nearly 3 hours ago. Not sure what that means, but I'm trying to be optimistic. 

My sister has a fetal ECG done today. Praying that my Ada Adventure is healthy. My sister has been through so much already that I cannot even fathom any bad news today. Plus, it's her and her husband's anniversary. Happy 3 years guys! Words can't express how much I love them and their little family. 

I am so excited about what God has in store for my family. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Happy Columbus Day Y'all

It was a pretty good day today. There are always a few things, but overall...pretty good.

Haden wanted something to eat around 10:30 this morning. He runs to the pantry (where the Halloween candy is) and starts pounding on the door. I go to the refrigerator and pull out an applesauce. He tells me "no" when offered the applesauce. I offer 3 or 4 times and he tells me "no" every-time. Triniti comes in and asks says, "I'll eat it." I give her a bite. He starts throwing a fit. I try one more time to give him a bite and he again refuses. I hand it to Triniti. More fit throwing. Triniti offers him a bite. He says "mama." Why is he so difficult? These are the situations that exhaust me every single day, and there are usually several. It's hard to always "win the battles" when they are so frequent!

In other news, Triniti was in tears today when she found out that her 3 best friends were at the movies without her. Xander went to the matinee with his friend from church and saw them there. These four girls are really close, so she was pretty upset and feeling very left out. What do I do? As a parent I guess there's nothing to do but reassure her that it may not have been a purposely "mean" thing. She will forget and it will be ok soon.

Ah ha!

This is something I found in my book about parenting strong willed children.

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the situation."

This is a sentence I would use to describe me before Haden. I really thought I knew a lot about raising children. I never had to deal with one that was so difficult that I could not control them. I was on top of the game! There was no way MY children behaved inappropriately.

Now I get it. I'm forever apologetic to the parents that I thought couldn't raise their children. Perhaps their children are not easy to raise.

On the run...!

Oh my goodness! Today we had NOTHING that we had to do before 5! That never happens in a house of 7. That being the case, you'd think we would really get something done, or lay around all day. Not us. We were completely weirded out.

Now we are comfortably rushing to our next destination...sigh.

I am "that mom"

I have decided that my little Haden is a "terrible two". I had to drag him out of Hobby Lobby today screaming and kicking while people looked on in horror. I'm pretty spent tonight.

P.S.

This child (Haden) begins acting like a crazy person when he's sleepy. Right this moment he is shining a flash light in my face and cracking up when I squint in the light. What makes some people get silly when they are tired?

Seriously?!

The best laid plans got all messed up today. Triniti has a double header tonight. I knew I needed to go to the store before 11 this morning to get back and put some stuff in the crock pot. If I didn't get back early enough, I wouldn't get dinner done in time for us to eat before softball and we will not be returning home until 9 tonight. 

Haden isn't having a very good day and I resisted the urge to plop him back in his bed around 9 this morning. I braved the grocery store and we were doing pretty good until I got in the car and headed to the bank only to discover that my wallet was MIA (missing in action)!!! I quickly sped back to the store (which happens to be in the same parking lot) and ran in with my very sleepy, crying 21 month old Haden. It wasn't there. I explained to the clerk that I was just there and I paid for groceries...went across the parking lot and it's gone. Grrr...

By the time I got home with my groceries Haden was asleep in his car seat. I put him in bed and called back to the store. The lady I spoke to told me that a wallet was found at the filling station (also in the same parking lot). She said, "Did you get gas?" NO, I didn't get gas. Turns out it was MY wallet! I dragged sleeping Haden out of his bed to zoom back up there yet again. 

My wallet has everything still in it. How does that happen? I didn't go anywhere near the gas station. I know without a doubt that I left it at the register. So I checked my account online for charges. There are none. I have no idea what to do next. I guess just wait. 

On a side note, I tried to lay Haden back down when I got home, but by that time he was hungry. He isn't asleep and hasn't slept much today and it's now almost 2! I've got to go pick up Xander at 2:50 and leave again by 4 to get Triniti. Then it's dinner (hopefully) and off we go to the ball fields. No naps today I guess :(

Are we blended or pureed?

I'm not really sure that I know how to "blog". I think I need to back up and explain a little about myself. I hope this is not too long and boring. LOL

My husband and I met and dated in high school. It was the summer before our junior year in a small town south of Fort Worth. It was love. We were the stars of each other's lives. Needless to say, before our junior year was over, we broke up (I broke his heart...he won't let me forget). Our senior year came and by the end of it, he was expecting a child with his current girlfriend. 

I graduated, lived my life, and worked for a living. It was during this time that I met and married a man that seemed different than the rest(and I liked that). In 2001,we had our daughter,  Triniti, and immediately moved to west Texas away from all of our family and friends. These times were really hard on me. I had no job, no friends, and no support group. Triniti and I were alone almost all day because he worked in the car business and that meant sun up to sun down 6 days a week. Most days I would share my thoughts with Triniti (even though she was a baby) and she would listen. She is my "compliant" child. We were so blessed to have her. 

Finally we moved back to the Ft. Worth area and wanted to have another baby. We tried and tried with no luck. I decided to see my ob/gyn (who happened to also be a fertility specialist) for help. We finally did get pregnant! Unfortunately it didn't take long before I miscarried. I was only 5 weeks along. Probably not far enough for most to consider, but for me...it was a big deal. I wanted that baby more than anything. 

After enrolling in some college classes, I found out that I was expecting again. This time I carried to term. We found out that we were having a boy. A boy? A boy! My family is mostly girls. Out of 22 of us cousins, 6 are boys. My mother and I looked at the pictures of the sonogram and my mom said, "A boy? What are we going to do with that?". In 2005 we found out exactly what to "do with that" when our son, Xander, was born. Xander is a "negotiator". He negotiates and argues about everything, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. 

Poor Xander was only 2 when my husband and I divorced. I felt bad that he was so little. So was Triniti, but Xander was really little. Those were dark times and I sill have a lot of guilt and regret over it. 

It was my high school boyfriend that pulled me through. We started talking. He was divorced and by this time had not just one, but two kids. Brody and Autumn. Triniti and Autumn were the same age and would beg to see each other and play. Soon our relationship was growing and we were married in 2009. 

My husband and I began attending church regularly and befriending people on staff at the church. We have found that the closer we walk with the Lord, the better our relationship is with each other and our kids. We are blended. This is a statement that means our lives are busy and our problems are more difficult to figure out. That's a whole other blog. lol

We had our "ours" from the "yours, mine, and ours" in December 2010. Haden is the most beautiful, stubborn child I have ever laid eyes on. He is our "strong-willed" child. I will have to touch on that later too. 

Haden is my challenge. I'm not sure why God picked me and I don't feel like I can do the job most days. I'm not sure if that's the way someone raising a child with down syndrome feels, but I imagine it is much the same. Most of Haden's tantrums occur when he feels that he can't make me understand his needs or when I try to get him to do/ stop doing something that isn't "his" idea. I'm sure he will grow out of it. 

Women need positive women role models

My husband encouraged me to start my own "small group" for our church. Tonight was the third meeting we have had. Our group is only for women and we meet at a Starbucks here in town for about an hour and a half. We've been running around 7 or 8, but tonight we only had 5. Immediately I felt like it was my fault. People didn't like me or something, but you know what happened? Everyone there was able to open up a little more than usual because it was more intimate. I was actually able to find out more about some of these ladies that usually remain quiet. I was blown away by their life stories. 

Tonight we talked about the book of Titus from the New Testament. A while back I thought that I might try to read that book because it's a small book in the Bible. After reading it, and studying the devotional, I felt really led to discuss it with my group. Titus 2:3-5 "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." 

We can learn a lot from "more experienced" women. Our culture nowadays is not one of social gatherings of women like it used to be. We are alienated and isolated often times. I really feel like I could learn a lot from a woman who has gone through some of the same trials that I have. I'm going to start praying for God to lead me to such a woman. I miss my Mama Cathryn. I feel like she was that woman in my life until she passed away. She wasn't always the most sensitive person with her advice, but she never judged or held your mistakes against you. She spoke the truth and we knew she loved us unconditionally. I love that lady.

I think I may like blogging for the 31 for 21 challenge :)

31 for 21

Today marks the first blog I've done in years. The occasion? Ada Josette. My baby niece due in January 2013 is prenatally diagnosed with "Down Syndrome". My sister said that my blogs don't have to be about the subject of this chromosomal disease, but I feel like the first one should be.

As an aunt I've discovered a love for my nephew that I never knew. How do you love a child that is not your own as much as your own? I'm not sure, but I feel so blessed to have him as mine (even if he isn't technically mine). Something about his birth caused my sister and my bond to grow beyond just sisters. We are closer now than we ever have been. I think she has grown up so much and is such an amazing mother!

My Brady Boy!


I believe God doesn't make mistakes. When my sister first told me that her second child, my niece, will have down syndrome, I felt so sad for her. I cried for several days and couldn't believe this was happening to her (and to our family). Now I have completely changed my opinion. God felt like she could be trusted with one of his "special" souls. That is an honor. She will be perfect for us. This baby was put in our lives for a reason. She has a purpose and has already begun fulfilling it even before birth! Amazing.

We don't know what the future holds for us, for Ada, for big brother, for my sister and her sweet, sweet husband, but we do know that we love and want Ada more than anything. She isn't a tragedy. She is an adventure. I cannot wait to see her! She is perfect and just what this world needs.

Sweet Ada Adventure!
http://mdbeau.blogspot.com/2012/09/join-6th-annual-31-for-21-challenge.html